How to survive a gerbil escape

The first time your gerbil escapes

1. Hear the unmistakeable sound of a gerbil landing on the toy stuffing you're using for your latest crochet animal at the same time as you hear your boyfriend go, "Oops...."

2. Try to leap up as fast as possible whilst simultaneously not leaping up as fast as possible so as to not scare gerbil.

3. Scream for boyfriend to "SHUT THE DOOR! SHUT THE DOOR!"

4. Stand going "ohmygodohmygodohmygod" as gerbil merrily scampers across the living room floor exploring his new found territory

5. Boyfriend grabs box to try and coax gerbil into

6. Get down on all fours as you watch escaped gerbil disappear under armchair to try and get him to come to you.

7. Realise gerbil is already on other side of the room in the time it took you to get on all fours.

8. Gerbil runs into box.

9. Gerbil is returned to playpen

10. Round on boyfriend for picking him up whilst watching football and not concentrating, thus allowing him to slip out of hands and escape.

Escape artist Number 1 a.k.a. Tyrion Lannister

The second time your gerbil escapes

1. Hear the unmistakeable sound of the gerbil falling off the edge of the bed.

2. Turn to boyfriend and go "Yeah....that was the sound of a gerbil escaping for definite."

3. Boyfriend calmly gets off bed and leaves room, shutting the door behind him.

4. Return other gerbil to gerbilarium before there is a dual gerbil escape on your hands.

5. Get down on all fours to see where escaped gerbil is

6. Spot him sitting under your bed wondering where to adventure next.

7. Gerbils comes right up to you.

8. Scoop up gerbil in hands and kiss his little head.

9. Boyfriend appears back in room with massive tube to try and coax gerbil into.

10. Return gerbil to gerbilarium

Escape artist Number 2 a.k.a. Ser Jorah Mormont

I'm just saying. I think I might deserve an award for Biggest Turnaround in performance.