Sometimes I think the girly gene was excised out of me at some point in my youth, perhaps along with the hernia I had when I was a little person.
Don't get me wrong I am far from a tomboy I just...don't care about stuff like, you know, looking good.
I am notorious for being completely oblivious to how people look - I don't notice when people change their hair colour, I haven't got a clue if you're wearing a new outfit and I absolutely, 100% will not be able to tell if you need your eyebrows plucking. I just couldn't care less.
But sometimes. Just sometimes the girl in me fights to get out. She likes her sparklies and sometimes she'll even like a dress or two. She even thinks that it would be nice to have massage.
(And to be fair, she always has her nails painted.)
For some reason, the girly gene never expressed itself in the underwear department. I was never going to lure some man into my bed with the promise of a bit of lace or satin - I had to make them laugh and then turn the lights off for disrobing.
I wish I was one of those girls with pretty matching sets of underwear that always look perfect and don't just look weird because you've worn the pants more often and now they look a little bit grubby because they've been washed far more than the bra. Heck I wish I was the kind of person who hand-washed her bras like she was supposed to and didn't get them ripped up in the washing machine.
Obviously at the moment spending has been limited to the bare minimum, and much as I would like to try and argue that a woman's right to pretty underwear is just as important as eating and paying her phone bill I think I'd be on to a lost cause.
Enter Char - a.k.a. t*rexes and tiaras or @dinoprincesschr
She held a most marvellous giveaway on her blog to win a £50 Simply Beach voucher and by some luck of the Gods I won (see things do go right for me - I must remember this when I'm next having a complete meltdown).
I had never even heard of this website before but once I loaded up the website, a world of amazingness unfolded before me. Swimsuits and bikinis and nightwear and sports bras and lingerie were all in front of me, almost too much to take in. (By the way, when did swimsuits get cool?)
With no holidays in sight and the likelihood of me getting in a pool in public about as likely as me running down Fishergate in Preston city centre in my bra and pants, I decided to unleash the girl and go for the pretty stuff.
And they don't come prettier than this - it is pink and is covered in flowers. Winner. And it's now in the sale you lucky beggars. I felt I couldn't just get the bra and not get the knickers to match - with a promise to only wear them when I wear the bra so that they grow old and get grubby together.
I still had a little bit of money in the pot and I figured that after not buying anything fun for such a long time, I could justify spending a little bit of money on something frivolous. I decided to go for the ultimate in girly bras. Namely, one that makes your chesticle look its best. There can only be one name and that is Wonderbra. It's been a long time since I had one of these - it was back before I had a lot to talk about and I loved that bra, it was a staple of any night's out outfit. I have quite a bit more now than I did back then but they could always do with a hand and this guy is the bee's knees.
The best thing though? I ordered my new companions at about 11.30pm on the Wednesday night in a strange late night shopping spree. I had an e-mail when I woke up the next morning to say that my items had been dispatched and when I came home from London town on Saturday they were there in the postbox waiting for me.
Thank you Char and thank you Simply Beach. You gave me a lift when I needed it.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and be a girl...