“Yes” Mum replied “I was difficult really because people thought you were much older than you were so actually thought you were a bit retarded because here they thought they were looking at a 3 year old, when instead they were looking an 18 month old.” Thanks Mum.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not massive at all. I’m 5’9” (maybe a shade above but definitely not 5’10”) which actually only makes me a couple of inches taller than the average for women, and about the same height as an average man. Apparently.
For a long time I was convinced that Hull was full of ridiculously short men, but I had a revelation a while back on a night out after cockling over and hurting my ankle. They’re not ridiculously short, I just have a predilection for 4 inch heels – I’m ridiculously tall! It took me a night out in flats to realise that actually, there were a lot of ‘normal’ sized men out there.Unfortunately I’ve hit a stumbling block in the shape of The Person, who reckons he is 6 foot. I say reckons because he is clearly wrong. If he was 6 foot then I could wear more than an inch high heel and not be taller than him and I can’t. I’ve tried reasoning with him but he’s insistent that he’s 6 foot. Incorrect.
I know it’s shallow and I know it’s silly but I just cannot face being taller than my boyfriend. I just can’t. And it’s not him telling me I can’t be taller than him, he thinks I’m as crazy as you all do right now, he doesn’t get what the big deal is. I put two thumbs up to Sophie Dahl and Jamie Cullum and all the other similar couples out there, but I cannot comprehend the thought of going out with my boyfriend and bending down to whisper in his ear. No. Sorry. No way.With a shoe collection full of 3 inch heels and above I have slowly but surely begun to rectify matters, trying to re-programme my brain to not go for the 4 inch heel with 2 inch platform, but instead to go for the much more sensible 1.5 inch heel height. I am getting there, but the results are pretty grim.
Luckily for me there have been lots of cool sandals out there this summer, they can double as going out shoes at some point...can’t they? And I found a lovely little pair on sale in Dorothy Perkins the other day which hit the Holy Grail of being small enough that I’m not taller than The Person but also being appropriate for work. Tick!
I am trying to love them. I really am. But I know that my heart is reserved for pairs of shoes that send me up in to the stratosphere. They just look prettier. Plus we all know that the higher the heel, the better your leg looks – even more important when you have over-developed calf muscles like mine which could see me getting mistaken from the knees down for an England Scrum Half, out for the night in drag.
I will continue to try to expand my shoe collection full of pretty pumps and gorgeous flats, but I know, and you know, that nothing’s going to make my heart beat faster than shoes like these little guys. Or these guys or actually what about these guys...
L-R: Primark (£6 in sale), Dorothy Perkins (£15 in sale), Matalan (can't remember!)Note to all: I am of course still in the market for big heels, there are plenty of times I’m out without The Person. However, with a limited budget, I need to try and find heels that I can get plenty of wear out of.
Extra note to all: Why yes, yes I do have freakishly long toes.