Thursday, 29 July 2010


I try to tell myself to just relax and leave everything up to fate. I try to say to myself "If it's meant to be, it'll happen." I try to surrender myself to the notion that my life isn't eally in my own hands and my path has been pre-ordained.

But it doesn't work.

I like to be in control. I like to know what's happening when, where and at what time (and what footwear is appropriate). So the idea that I'm not in control of my own life quite frankly freaks me the hell out.

And then I get even more freaked out when I realise I actually cannot control certain aspects of my life. I can't alter geography. I can't change my job (yet). I can't make someone like me.

I can't do anything but sit and wait.

I'm not good at sitting and waiting impotently for someone or something else to do what I would like to do myself (to be honest I'm not good at sitting quietly full stop).

And I don't understand how I can simultaneously be so sure that something will happen and yet not be able to trust that it will without a push and a shove from me.

But when do you know when to stop pushing and shoving? What's the point when you're supposed to accept that it's not going to happen and give up? When people talk about exercise they always talk about hitting The Wall (I wouldn't know, I don't exercise hard enough) - how do you know when you've hit your Wall and you just need to keep battering through, versus just hitting a complete brick wall that you're never going to break down?

While I was thinking about this blog post I turned over my calendar on my desk at work and it had a quote on it from Benjamin Franklin;

"Energy and persistence conquer all things."

Was this prophetic? Was this a sign that I should stop thinking about fate and just carry on myself? Or. Was it fate that this quote appeared at this time and my fate is supposed to be to persist and try and get what I want?

I find it all very confusing. And I'm really too tired to think anymore about it. I'm tired of trying and tired of wishing and hoping that everything I want will come true.

But mostly I'm completely and utterly exhausted of caring at all.

Do I continue to try and force my way down a dangerous, rocky path that I'm pretty sure will end up with what I want or do I follow the much easier path which has a few blind corners and hope that both paths converge and end at the same place?


Do I stop overanalysing before I hurt my little brain?

Are you a pre-ordained, fate kind of person or are we in charge of our own lives? Discuss.


  1. I go for stopping over analysing everything because when I DO think a little deeper about things it completely freaks me out and I would not be able to get through the day. So I go for denial, distraction, floaty light.

    All good!

  2. You are an Aries!! you have to be in control, are fiercely independent, have very strong views.

    If you are forcing yourself to do something, does that make it right for you?

    If you think the other is the easier path, is it easier? or does it feel easier because thats really the way you want to go?!!

  3. Sweet Girl - I feel your can be so agonizing to try to figure things out. My opinion (for what its worth): nix the analyzing, enjoy every moment of everyday you can and most importantly don't be nervous about taking a chance on something different. All in all it will work out in the end especially if you look back on your past and see it as proactive. Wow, enough from me. Go and have some fun!

  4. WE ARE IN CHARGE!! No fate in my part of the world, it's all down to what you do, what others do, and that's it. If you want something, fight for it, don't wait for things to happen miraculously. And don't overanalyse things either and hurt your little brain, what will be will be! (as in, not fate, but you know! sorry it's too late for me to articulate my thoughts properly!)

  5. I also like to know what, when, where, and who, but I'm trying to not be so OCD with everything and be alittle more relaxed.
    Over analysing stuff will only give you sleepless nights and tonnes of worry. It's best to just take one day at a time, but that's easier said than done.
    In the wise words of Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why they call it the present. (I can't quite believe I'm quoting from a children's movie, but it's a great saying).

  6. I don't think I believe in fate anymore; I believe we have power over our own lives. However I'm also a believer in the power of wait and see.

  7. I know what you mean. It is like that thingy...

    "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference"

  8. I am a I believe everything happens for a reason sort of gal, but then I think too much, agonise over things, and can't accept things, even though I believe in fate, I still fight against it! Hence frequently tormented mutinous mind! Susie xxx

  9. I like to be in control too. I do believe in fate to some extent, but I also think we can steer our own course too. I try not to fret about things that are out of my control these days as all it does is make you ill, which then makes things seem even worse. I'd say relax and see what happens. x

  10. I am with you sister. I am so fortunate to have been 'placed' now in my life where I can 'exist'...simply live. Yet I still find myself trying to analyze everything to death. It is in our nature I suppose. But simply being and allowing direction to come from deep within or heaven knows where is so refreshing. It takes more courage to 'not do anything at all' than to plan and organize and analyze and take control. I think it is a lesson hard to learn; to just step back.

  11. Hi girly,

    Long time no speak. Been hiding in a cave, haven't I?

    Well... fate? Not sure. Can't be sure of anything except change.

    Like the turning of the tide.

    Everything will change and fate or no fate, there's nothing we can do to stop it.

  12. Just wrote my entry about the jam jar and life's frustrations and then I come here...peas in a pod we are! Love the essay style way you presented the question at the end too.

    I'm pretty ridiculous. I will admit it. I sort of believe in fate when it suits me but the idea that everything happens for a reason? Hmm...what if I never met another man and never have kids and end up lonely...if someone quoted me that line then I think I'd bash their head in...lonely in prison after that...

    And here is the further ridiculous thing (you think you're bad) I'm just about to fork out $225 for some infamous astrology geezer to read my fortune... that is desperation baby...pure and simple. I've lost the plot... :)

    Ah it will all straighten itself out again somewhere down the line...if we're lucky! xxx

  13. We're not in total control, but it's not fate that takes that away from us, it's the randomness of life - all those other people making their decisions, weather patterns, a robin eating a worm - you name it, it all affects other things in some tiny way that eventually feeds back to our lives. So we can't be in total control. But fate suggests something pre-ordained and I definitely don't believe that. If there's something that you want to happen then you have to make it happen. Good luck!


Go on. Say something. You know you want to...