Tonight I had decided to throw myself a little pity party. There was only one person on the guest list and I had already RSVP’d a big fat yes.
It’s difficult when you’re playing the role of The Big Bad Break-Up Person to feel like it’s ok to feel a bit sorry for yourself. Or feel crap in general. At the end of the day it was your decision to break-up with someone so you just have to get on with the consequences.
And for the most part I have done. As I’ve said before, as someone that is constantly trying to make sure I’m not offending people with thoughtless comments and actions, it’s been difficult to think about the fact that there are people out there who absolutely hate your guts.
All of this going through my head as well as dealing with trying to move out of the flat (I am now living elsewhere but there is still loads of my stuff at the flat – I need to find homes for it in charity shops and people’s houses etc etc) when I don’t have a car and trying to make head and tail out of my finances (the verdict? Not. good.).
Tonight should be Stitch and Bitch night but I decided to stay in and attend the pity party. I feel like I haven’t stopped over the past few weeks and am constantly fretting about how I’m going to move stuff out of the flat or how I’m going to pay for things or how I’m making other people feel. I thought that maybe if I just had a night in where I didn’t have to watch what I said for fear of upsetting or annoying other people I might just give myself time to breathe.
And then I came back to the office after a meeting and discovered the post man had brought me something special. All the way from the magical land of the blogosphere. From a land called Mooncalf. I had seen these babies in a post the other day and immediately demanded one. I’m like that by the way, my first response when I see something I like is to say “Make me one” like a spoilt brat*. I don’t really mean it, it’s just my way of expressing just how much I like it. Either way e-mails were exchanged, apologies for behaving like a spoilt madam were made and addresses were given and this little guy found his way to Hull.
So I might just cancel the pity party tonight. I think I’ll still stay in but instead will make a concerted effort to not be miserable and not feel sorry for myself and sit in my pjs, eating my carrot batons, watching some kind of crap. And if I start to slide into feeling like that, well I’ll just glance over at my ridiculously large bunch of keys and smile.
Three cheers for the blogosphere.
*although I can hold my hands up and say I kind of am