Wednesday, 4 August 2010

Falling off the wagon

It had to happen sooner or later.

This week was the first week I put on weight since starting The Cult of Weightwatchers at the beginning of May.

1 whole pound.

I knew it was coming, the week had been chaos and I’d ended up eating out about 5 times during the week and didn’t have chance to go to the gym. I think it was about Thursday when I abandoned all hope of losing weight that week and decided to fall off the wagon in spectacular style. I decided to just go for it and eat whatever I wanted and to the devil with it all.

But then the guilt set in. Because I knew that I should have told myself not to give up. I should have tracked what I could and made more sensible choices when I was eating out. I should have made more of an effort with my lunches and made a big vat of soup so I had something to take into work each day, or got up earlier to make a salad, instead of ending up spending money I don’t have in M&S and Boots. I should have made more of an effort to go the supermarket that sells the sugar-free jelly sachets so I could have a zero points snack. I should have made more of an effort to go to the fruit and veg stall in the market. I should have made a decision not to get complacent because I’ve done so well so far and people have noticed and been complimenting me.

But I didn’t.

Tuesday was a horrible day. I hate Tuesdays at the best of times but this one seemed to drag on forever and the closer it got to meeting time the worse I felt. I felt sick. I wanted to cry.

I understand these reactions may seem extreme but I was just so disappointed with myself. I had no-one else to blame but myself for what had happened and that’s never a good feeling, there should always be someone else to blame. Plus. I absolutely hate failing at things. Hate it hate it hate it. To the point where I won’t try things because not trying seems easier than trying and failing. I didn’t want to fail at this, not when things have been going so well.

I got home and sat there. “I’m not going to go” I told myself. I didn’t want to know what the scales were going to say. I didn’t want it written down in black and white. I told myself that I could pretend this week never happened, skip it, and just go next week. But I knew I couldn’t. Sometimes you have to just face the music.

I dragged myself there. They must have known by the look on my face that I didn’t want to be there. If they hadn’t known they probably figured it out when I said “I really don’t want to be here.” But they were lovely as they always are and my leader, Laura, said to me “But that’s good that you’ve come here, it’s really good.”

I stepped on the scales and closed my eyes and held my breath (and then thought, “Wait, what if all this air I’m holding in is weighing me down?” and let it out again).


It’s so insignificant. And it really is. I was definitely imagining a 3-4lb weight gain so really I was happy but that 1lb might as well have been 10lbs for the guilt and annoyance I felt.

But ultimately I left feeling renewed. I’ve had my slip up. We’re all allowed them from time to time. I just need to push a little bit harder this week.

I’m back tracking like the good girl I am and Dorothy and I are working on a rota for cooking so I know what I’m doing when. Most of the problem lately has been sheer laziness and getting back into the swing of cooking. There are loads of pieces of paper hanging about with recipes I’ve seen that I want to try out and now I need to get my backside in gear and sort it out. I’m trying to make time to go to the gym (difficult when I don’t really want it to rule my life) and making the extra effort to get my backside out of bed in the morning so I can walk in.

I would say fingers crossed for next week. But I shouldn’t have to say that. I am the only person that can be in control of that and it’s up to me to make sure that that 1lb has disappeared into thin air next Tuesday.

(But if you could maybe think nice thoughts that would be nice.)

PS Please do not worry. I am not letting WW rule my life. I am well aware that sometimes life is going to get in the way and it just won't be possible to lose weight every week and this is precisely what happened last week. I just wanted to document this occasion.


  1. I can completely sympathise but 1lb is just 1lb and if you know why you put it on ie the eating out etc it's easy to understand rather than if you've been really good all week and then put on.

    It'll be off next week don't worry,

    Victoria x

  2. Mmm I'm not really in a good position to give advice here, have totally fallen off the wagon recently, for like the last 2months or so? ridiculous, i know - anyway, you've done so amazingly well so far, one week of little slip ups is not going to ruin it all, i just wish i could be as good as you!!

  3. A pound is only a pound but I know myself when I'm getting lazy with WW and stop making the effort, that a scare like that - even though it's very little in the scheme of things - is enough of a kick to get me back to counting points properly and not eating junk food. And we all have crap weeks, so don't worry about it, it could be the clothes you were wearing or the last time you went to the loo - so it could be nothing at all.

  4. It is only a successful diet if you fall off the wagon and then get back on again.

    Now you've done it, you know you can eat a cream cake one day and that it won't lead to an endless stream of pies and icecream. Once you've got that sussed you can eat heathily forever!

    Hurrah - it is in fact a dieting milestone of VICTORY!!

  5. Don't be so hard on yourself. It was a blip. But the good thing is you recognised it in advance of the meeting and it has spurred you on to take action - so that is good. Onwards and upwards. x

  6. Funny, funny Girl....One lb is not bad at all. You really do have a special talent. Your writing voice is superb. Sometimes I feel like I'm actually there. Yes, yes, yes I completely utterly smitten with that blanket. Be a good Girl....

  7. You're not the only one who won't do something for fear of failure, I'm also someone who won't attempt things in case it's not perfect. Your weight loss is working, and putting on just one pound after a "bad" week isn't too bad. I think we are our own worst enemies when it comes to beating ourselves up about failure of one kind or another, so lets all be positive from now on! Jacqueline

  8. Try not to worry too much. After seven months of losing weight, I put on 1/2lb the other week and haven't lost it yet (or so the Rosemary Conley scales tell me, my ones at home say that I've lost 2lb). Just accept that sometimes these things happen, and that it's not bad just keep going! Also could it be water retention as that can make a big difference especially around the time of the month? x

  9. You are going to have weeks like this.
    I lost 4 1/2 stone back in 2004. I'm only half a stone off my goal now. With Slimming World.
    I had weeks like this. Put it behind you. Be positive the past is the past. Write everything down. Plan your meals.
    Start fresh......
    I know its hard. I really really stuck to the plan back in 04 and it did pay off. But I beat myself up about it terribly that was the only thing i did wrong. We all have bad weeks. You'll probably notice next time you will have a double loss! So be good now you have a new week!
    Thanks for stopping by SIBOL. I've left you a comment about your Squares, many thanks.

  10. Any weight type comment that I make on here would make me an enormous hypocrite, so I'm not going to.

    What I am going to say is, I too hate it when I "fail" at things, or when something doesn't happen the way that *I* want it to, and that I have the power to make it happen and then ... don't, for whatever reason. It sucks. But accepting that and moving on from it is important. Well done.

    did that make sense?


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