Crazy Cat Lady Part 15 - Fred and Lily update

“What have Fred and Lily been up to?” I hear you ask.

They have mostly been acting mad because that’s what they do best.

They had a pretty quiet festive season. They were sadly abandoned for just over 24 hours as Mum and I left on Christmas Day morning and didn’t come back until Boxing Day morning. They naturally behaved as if they hadn’t eaten for weeks.

Lily was in pretty high spirits over Christmas though and performed one of her favourite tricks which is to climb into the washing machine and then sit there looking out at you. She likes to open the door and get any dirty tea towels out and then drag them around the house between her legs, but when the mood takes her she also just likes to sit in there.

The problem is that she can only open the door a little bit so it then swings shut behind her, trapping her in. Or so we thought. She got in there on Christmas Eve and the door closed behind her so I opened it for her to jump out. She was totally uninterested in coming out though and just carried on sitting in there. She came out when she was ready.

The glass on the door as the unfortunate effect of making her look more googly eyed than usual though...

They are little so-and-sos. The other week I had a couple of friends coming round. I came rushing in from work and they swarmed around me for food before buggering off upstairs to do whatever it is they do up there and resolutely ignore me. When my friends got there though, ooh they were down the stairs, squirming about, being all friendly going “Oh hi we’re awesome, are you our friend? You can be our friend. Can you see how lovely I am? I like you. Do you want to stroke me? I like being stroked.” Thanks a bunch you little gits.

They were also my company for New Year’s Eve. Mum had gone away, and rather than her have to pay the cattery fees I said I’d stay and look after them for a few days. I tried to get them all excited about the event but I think Lily’s face says it all.

I even woke them up when the clock struck midnight and took them upstairs to watch the fireworks out of the window. Fred loved them, I think he just thought they were very colourful birds, but when I turned around Lily had disappeared and I found her in the bathroom. My bad. They also didn’t think much to my dancing as I boogied about the living room to Jools Holland’s Hootenanny. Whatevs. They just don’t appreciate good dancing.

Don’t be fooled by their cuteness though. They are horrid little beasts to each other, and Lily especially bullies Fred senseless. She will take absolutely any opportunity that she can to leap on him and chase him about the house and the poor guy never really sees it coming. Most of the time it’s good natured play fighting but Fred is currently sporting an impressive scab on his ear which must have come courtesy of a fight that got out of hand.

‘Til next time cat fans...

Black Sunday

I'm having a low day today. I've kept myself busy from Friday until today and I think it's just generally a boring Sunday, coupled with everything that's going on at the moment, which has left me feeling crapola.

I don't like me when I get like this, I irritate myself so my god only knows how irritating other people must find me. Instead I burrow myself away like a small bear until I'm feeling more myself. I also set a limit on my moping, there can be none of this "I'll just wait until I feel better" - like I said, I'm annoying myself at the moment, so I am allowing today to be a day of moping and then that's it, I will snap out of it and behave like a normal human being again. No point being sad, it won't change anything so why waste the energy?

So after an afternoon of slowly sinking in to a pit of despair I decided to snap out of it and make one of those vomit-inducing lists of things that are good in my life right now.

(Go and get your sick buckets now please.)

• I am loving that my little tete-a-tete flowers came into bloom while I've been out of the house since Friday night. Good job little colourful flowers.

• I am pleased that I finally learned how to use my curling tongs this week and discovered that I can look semi-decent as long as I'm willing to put in a bit of time.

• I am very pleased that I have got some awesome friends around me at the moment who can cheer me up and are happy to listen to me have a little moan. (Some people are just plain disappointing but this is a happy list so we'll pretend I didn't just say that.)

• I am grateful that Fred and Lily did their best to cheer me up last night by putting their little furry bodies all over my legs to keep me warm and cosy. Even though I did kind of need a wee.

• I am very pleased that I have The Person, who has the unenviable task of trying to deal with a weepy girlfriend over the phone, when it would be infinitely easier to do in person. 

• I'm beside myself pleased that I finally paid my Career Development Loan off at the end of last year. If the worst comes to the worst, at least I won't have £180 to pay out each month. And even better, it means that I have a couple of months to save that £180 so I have a little If Worst Comes to Worst pot of money.

• I am loving my latest cross stitch project which is coming on a treat, thanks to having a couple of days off sick at the beginning of the week.

• I'm really pleased that I don't own a house or a car or have any dependants. Most of the time it gets me down that I'm a renting bus wanker, but this is one of the situations where it's a bonus. At least I don't have mortgage payments to worry about.

• Mostly I'm grateful for this cup of tea that I'm about to drink.

Peace out.

Surplus to requirements

Redundant

- Adj

“Surplus to requirements, unnecessary or superfluous”

Well.

It’s hard not to take it personally, even though it’s affecting most people in the organisation. You want to stand on your desk and say “Well excuse me but I am totally necessary, thank you very much. I’ll have you know that I add quite the spark to a dinner party.”

At the moment everything is up in the air. They’re asking for voluntary redundancies and in a few weeks we’ll start to know more.

It’s a strange atmosphere. Everyone on edge. Everyone knows what’s going on but doesn’t really want to bring it up. It’s all head’s down, let’s get on with things, let’s not talk about it until we know more.

It’s hard not to feel paranoid that people are looking at you and wondering “Well what does she do – surely she’s not important, we could get rid of her and save us some money.” But come on, you know you’d do it too, I know I am. Going through a list of people and saying “Well we could get rid of them for a start.” It’s an unpleasant side to my character that has emerged but I guess it’s a fight or flight response. As happy and go-lucky as I am, if I’m in a situation where I have to prove my worth over someone-else’s the gloves will come off.

I can feel myself starting to mentally prepare some kind of statement to detail how awesome I am and what an asset I am to the organisation –the equivalent of practicing my song for the sing-off in X-Factor, hoping that Gary Barlow is going to tell me it was the performance of the night and put me through to the next round.

But when you’ve already been told you’re a luxury it’s hard to keep your self-esteem boosted and stay positive.

A luxury?

I feel like a Lush bath bomb sat next to some Asda Value bubble bath. I want to say “But just try me, I smell gorgeous and I’ll make your skin feel all soft and if you’re lucky I might just cover you in glitter.”

But when push comes to shove and you just want to have a tiny little treat, you’ll go for a bit of cheapo bubbly rather than the luxury item which is only going to coat the bottom of your bath and make you break your neck the next time you step into the tub.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and prepare my song. I’m going to go for Journey’s, “Don’t Stop Believin’” – bet I’ll knock Louis Walsh’s socks off.

The weekend I attempted the impossible

After New Year I had an unexpected e-mail from The Person.


“When you come over next can we do things to make the flat homely?”

It was an e-mail which simultaneously surprised and didn’t surprise me. I remember when I moved into my new place and got myself all unpacked, he started round looking a bit confused before saying “But this room looks like you live here already, you’re all unpacked and everything and it looks like you. My flat looks like I’ve just moved in.”

What surprised me was that he wanted it in his place at all. I just assumed he was being blokey and liked things as they were. But the nesting bug must have caught hold of him somehow and the request was made.

At first I was in heaven. Getting to make a home for someone else is immensely fun. Mostly because it doesn’t involve you spending any money doing it. But I soon realised one huge stumbling block.

Homey things = girly things.

Trying to make a flat seem nice and homely whilst retaining a sense of masculinity about it was hard to imagine. Especially as I’m a girl. And whilst I don’t think I have excessively girly taste, I didn’t think The Person was going to get as excited about an ornamental birdcage as I would.

In the weeks leading up to me going to see him I started to have a little browse and pick up some things as presents to get him started. Some nice mugs which are colourful and can go on a mug tree in the kitchen but were without a hint of Liberace. Some decent tea towels to replace the dirty rags he currently owns. Some grey storage boxes – grey – how manly can you get?! And some little fake plants that require no care and won’t be producing any unexpected girly flowers on them.

But I knew there were going to be problems. I spotted this throw on Dotcomgiftshop (£49 reduced to £15? Yes please!) and suggested it because it was brown, thought that would be pretty manly. But it was rejected for being girly. Apparently if a sofa and a bed are already covered in fabric then why the need to cover them in more? It was a logic I found difficult to argue with.*

I went over prepared for a battle and, to be fair, I kind of had one, but by the end of the weekend things were starting to take shape. To really understand what I had going on here you have to imagine a student, who has just moved in to his first place. There was seriously nothing to work with. As in, he didn’t have a bin in the bathroom. Or a table to put a coffee cup on. Getting a picture? This wasn't really a case of getting amazing, expensive furniture that will last our whole lives, and more about just getting stuff, full stop.

So by the end of the weekend we had:

A nest of tables (one for each end of the sofa) A bin for the bathroom and a toilet brush
A toothbrush holder and soap dispenser
A bath mat (Hurray for 3 for 2 on Argos Colour Match stuff)
Some nice new colourful towels
Shelving unit (bargain from Morrisons for £9 – although I wouldn’t put much on it given that you didn’t actually need a screwdriver to put it together)
A bamboo plant
Coasters
2 table lamps (to take up residence on aforementioned nest of tables)
I also did a bit of re-jigging, moving the never-used small dining room table into a corner of the lounge and moving an uplighter to create a little dining area. I suggested getting something to sit in the middle of the table but couldn’t get agreement on anything, having a conversation that went a little like this:

Me: How about a bowl?
The Person: What would I put in it?
Me: Well nothing. You could just have a bowl. OR. You could put some sand/pebbles in it and a candle in it?
The Person: You know what would be good? A big giant rock.
Me: *silence*

I discovered that it’s actually difficult making somewhere homely when you’re not the person living in it – all I could really do is suggest things to The Person and see if he liked them. I tried again with the soft furnishings, I brandished a tartan throw from Primark in his direction and made him feel how soft it was and I thrust a cushion in his face in Debenhams exclaiming “Look! Pigeon cushion! How manly is that?!” But it was to no avail.**

I still haven’t won the battle over candles unfortunately. I think that’s a no- go. Although a utensil holder for the kitchen has been given the green light so it wasn't a complete fail.

All in all – not bad for a weekend’s work say I.

Next time.....bedroom!



*But I totally went and bought that throw for myself anyway and I love it. It’s so so so so soft I just want to smoosh up in it all day.


** Or was it? Later on he admitted that the throw and cushion might not have been such a bad idea. Aha! I just had to plant the seed!

Conversations with Peter Pan

Having a chat with my housemate, Peter Pan, can be both hilarious and exasperating. Mainly due to the fact that it’s like talking to a 15 year old in a 31 year old’s body and mainly because he might just be one of the most shallow people I’ve ever come across.


For instance...

The other night he was talking about how he might have a “few” dates lined up this weekend. He was trying to remember their names and The Scot and I were asking him questions about each one.

Peter Pan: And then there’s Ellie...

The Scot: And what’s she like?

Peter Pan: Well she’s kind of small and petite...

The Scot: No but what’s her personality like?

Peter Pan: Well she has kind of rock chick look.

Cue hysterics from me.

Peter Pan: Why are you laughing?

Me: Well it’s just that The Scot just asked you what her personality is like and you just said she has a rock chick look!

Peter Pan: Well yeah, you know, like a rock chick!

Me: Right. You do know that’s not really describing a personality trait though?

Peter Pan: Erm...

Classic.

Closed for business

I’m having particular problems with a new person in my life at the moment. She came pretty much out of the blue, into one of my sets of friends, and I am feeling particularly hostile towards her and that isn’t really like me. I would under any normal circumstances enjoy having a new person in the group, someone else to breathe a bit of fresh air into things and mix it up and change the order of things, but at the moment I’m just feeling incredibly invaded.


Before I go on, I fully accept that this is my problem. I am all too aware that these are my own issues that I need to deal with but I am blurting it out on here in the absence of having anyone else to talk to about it.

Everyone has different ways of approaching new people. I’m not emotionally slutty when it comes to making new friends and establishing new relationships. I will sit back, take things in, wait and see if I really like this new person. I try not to force myself on people, I take the attitude that if they will like me they will see something they like about me, I don’t need to force myself on them and prove that I’m a great person. If they want to like me, they will find it eventually. I basically don’t come on strong before committing to a relationship with them. Because for me I do see it as that, I take my friendships very seriously and I want to be good friend to people. I don’t see life (or Facebook) as a rush to gather as many “friends” as possible, I’d rather make sure I’m investing myself in worthwhile people.

I think because of this, I have a pretty adverse reaction to new people who try to force themselves on me in an attempt to establish a friendship. Writing all over my wall, commenting on my statuses, liking my pictures, texting me all the time, is not the way to win my friendship. In fact it immediately makes my barriers go up and actually prevents me from even wanting to establish any kind of friendship with you.

It would be easier if this was a romantical thing that was going on. You could say to the guy/girl, “Hey, you’re actually coming on a bit strong, could you back off a bit please and let’s just take things slowly?” But with someone who isn’t even your friend yet you couldn’t say the same thing without sounding as if you have severe mental problems.

It’s taken me a long time to figure out what is I don’t like about this person. I’ve been saying “There’s just something about her I don’t like” which I recognise makes me sound as if I’m convinced she’s going to whip out a gun and kill us all as we drink our tea and sip our mochas. But it finally hit home the other day what it is that’s turning me off her.

It’s not just this way too full on approach that she has (I literally feel like she is everywhere in my life at the moment, something that Facebook has to answer for because it all too literally shows at times how someone is involved in your life) but it’s that she seems a very needy person.

I’m not cold-hearted in the slightest. I know that we all have problems and we all need friends/people to help us through those problems. I think the trouble at the moment is that I have a lot of “real” friends who are going through emotional trauma.

These emotional traumas don’t necessarily affect me in the slightest, but like I said, I take friendship seriously, and if my friends are having problems then, even if I’m not literally doing something to help, I’m certainly thinking about it and worrying about them and wondering what I can do to help them. Unfortunately there seem to have been a spate of traumas in my friend’s and family’s lives in the past year or so – there’s been marriage breakdowns, troubles with babies, people suffering from depression, people’s parents breaking up, relationship woes, fights with families, people not talking anymore – the list feels heavy-going. And whilst my own life is (relatively) smooth at the moment I feel like a part of me is ever so slightly invested in these woes because I love my friends and I want them to be happy and I feel upset when they’re not.

I think that this is the underlying reason as to why I’m wanting to keep this new person at arm’s length. Coupled with the fact that she is coming on way too strong, I think that this is my brain’s way of saying “Closed for business.” I cannot take on another needy person at the moment, (especially one who I suspect is prone to the “next new thing” and that I’m not convinced will stick around) I need to conserve my energy to being a good friend to my real friends, not having someone in my life who is just a drain. If one of my friends have a problem I’ll be there in a flash, but I’m not spending time on someone who puts out statuses on Facebook purely to get people to comment about how wonderful they are – that is not a person who values friendships, but is somene who’s looking to get as many people worshipping them as possible and I’m afraid I’m not interested.

It makes me sad because it means that I have made the decision to hold off seeing this group of friends for a while. And I fully accept that that is my decision – this new person is, I’m sure, a perfectly nice person - but until I can find some way of dealing with her that doesn’t make me want to scream I’m going to have to absent myself and get a grip. Unfortunately that means that some of my real friendships may suffer (although there is an argument to be made that if they were real friends then they won't let our friendship be affected by the fact that I'm not seeing them on one allotted day of the week).

I don’t know if this is a form of the “January Blues” (or if they even exist) or just the culmination of feeling the stress of other people’s issues but I don’t want them exploding out of me in a direct hit on an unsuspecting person.

That’s what you guys are for...right?

Now go clean yourselves up and carry on with your day.

Things that have been happening around here.

You know I love a good list post so I thought I’d fill you in quickly on a quick update of my life at the moment.

• I totally made something new as per my Not Really Resolutions. I made a vegetarian lasagne. Now I’m a girl who does like my meat but very occasionally, the look of something veggie will catch my eye. I roped in a couple of friends to be guinea pigs and we were all pretty impressed with it. It was very filling and I hand on heart didn’t really miss the absence of meat. I also found a recipe for a different veggie lasagne which sounded even nicer so that might be next on my list!

PS It’s really difficult to take appetising pictures of roasted vegetables and crème fraiche and cheese.

• I’m working on a new cross-stitch thing for my niece’s bedroom. Thinking about it, it will be the biggest cross-stitched piece I’ll have ever completed so that’s exciting. It’s a pattern from the Christmas 2011 CrossStitcher magazine and there’s a tiny little part of me (the girly side apparently) that would secretly like to keep it for myself.

• I now live in a full house! A new housemate moved in whilst I was away at the wedding at the beginning of the year. She is Irish and I will christen her as Newbie. She seems pretty nice actually, although I haven’t seen that much of her because I feel like I’m out and about a lot of the time at the moment.

• I've been trying to get back into running but it has been fraught with masses of frustration. I can’t believe how much of my former fitness I've lost and I get incredibly mad with myself. I used to be able to run 5km without too much of a problem, now I'm lucky if I can get to 4km. I know it will eventually come back and I know I have absolutely no-one else to blame but myself, but I am finding it really difficult to remain positive. Especially as my shin splints in my left leg have already re-appeared and I only ran 3.5km one day and then 2km the next. Have been sat, icing my shin and feeling very very sorry for myself. My 10km goal is looking impossible at this point in time because of my incessant injuries. I’ve read everything there is to read about shin splints I know everything there is know about what causes them and how I’m supposed to cure them but it’s just to no avail I’m afraid.

• I saw a really pretty sunrise this morning.

That is all.