Today we are One

Well lookee here. We’ve made it to a year.
(And apparently gained the ability to rhyme.)

I won’t lie, it feels like longer. I mean I know it has been, so many of you have been with me longer than this guy’s been around, but I feel like this year’s been a long one.

It took me a long time to decide whether or not I would start a new blog after breaking up with the boyfriend. I went backwards and forwards over it many times – shall I just carry on as I am? Shall I just change the name of this one? Shall I just scrap it and start again?

Overall I’m pleased I started again. I needed to. After all I was pretty much starting my life again, it made sense to do the same in blog format.

How things have changed in that year. I look back over those first few posts and try and conjure up how I was feeling when I wrote them. In a way I’m thankful that it’s all kind of hazy and vague. I definitely know that I don’t want to particularly revisit it in too fine detail.

I found a piece of paper the other day. I must have done it at work and it was a list of all the emotions that I was feeling post break-up. It wasn’t pretty.

There was everything from feeling happy that I’d made the right decision to guilt at the pain that I’d caused, to anxiety about the choices I’d made to anger that I was being blamed for something when we both knew there was a problem, to sadness that I had yet another failed relationship behind me.

It was a very messy page.

If I was to do a similar list today I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t be quite as messed up. It wouldn’t be perfect, but I’m most definitely on an even keel emotions-wise.

At one point I did consider just not blogging anymore after the break-up. To tell the truth I was kind of embarrassed. Here was this blog that was all about living with someone and yet I’d completely failed at doing that – I felt like a right idiot. But mainly that’s because I’d kept a lot of the doubts and fear and torment to myself, not wanting to have a blog full of whining and doom and gloom. Maybe that was to my detriment.

I decided I did want to carry on blogging after the break-up purely because I like it. I do. I like you guys. I miss you when I don’t hear from you. I find myself wanting to tell you things, wanting to let you know how things are with me (whether you want to hear them or not).

And you’ve made me realise that I made the right decision. I’m glad that you’ve stuck with me for this past year. I’m glad that you’ve patiently listened to me as I’ve rambled on about totally idiotic things, that you’ve praised me when I’ve brought something to show-and-tell and that you’ve given me advice and feedback and generally made me feel better.

I did plan on doing a giveaway for my one year anniversary. I even started to buy a couple of things for it. And then I sort of forgot in the temporary move to my Dad’s so let’s pretend that I haven’t told you all that and one day I will surprise you.

But yeah.

Thanks.