a) I get to see American Girl and Boy for the first time in 3 years.
b) I get to see sun
c) I get to go on holiday
I have not been on a summer holiday in a long time. The last time was when I was 18 after I'd just finished my A-levels and I went away with family. I've never done the girly holiday thing and although there have been a couple of trips to France/Prague in the intervening years these haven't been proper sitting by the pool burning yourself to a crisp type holidays.
I'm not going to lie to you - I'm not going for culture. I'm not going for architecture. I'm going for the motherfreaking sun and to lie and read and go in the sea/pool. That. is. it. Judge away my friends - I can't hear you over the sound of my total relaxation.
I have already started having the anxiety dreams which are par for the course for me when going away anywhere.
I've had one where American Girl and I were at a weird party in an old men's club during which she decided that she wasn't going to come on holiday with me and was going to stay instead and drink cups of tea and eat biscuits with her new friends. Hateful woman.
And I had one of those really frustrating dreams where you're trying to get somewhere and can't - know the type I mean? This one featured me and The Person trying to get to the airport to catch the plane to Corfu and a myriad of things kept getting in our way whilst all the while the clock ticked down until check-in closed. I woke up in a cold sweat after that one.
I am yet to have the dream where I end up naked but I'm pretty sure it's coming.
In fact, it's probably going to be a reality.
You see, when you haven't been on a summer holiday in 12 years it turns out that you have absolutely no idea what the hell you're supposed to put in your suitcase and more to the point, nothing in your wardrobe that you would be able to put in a suitcase for a summer holiday.
We're only going away for a week so it should be simple but when I start to list the things I need in my head it goes something like this:
- Swimming costume (no bikini for me thank you very much. The skin on my llimbs is white enough without exposing acres of stomach to the world)
- Cover up for beach (although the word "cover-up" remains vague in my head - is it a t-shirt? Is it a kaftan? What do the cool kids wear nowadays?)
- *head explodes*
I just don't know what else I'm supposed to pack. This is mainly because I'm refusing to come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to wear jeans because it will be too hot. When I say I live in my jeans I mean I live in my jeans. I don't do skirts/dresses outside of work and I don't own a pair of ever so fashionable capris. In fact, I don't even know if capris are still ever so fashionable. I know that I will have to just suck it up and buy something but my brain needs a bit more time to come to terms with that god-awful truth.
And people are obsessed with maxi-dresses. Still. I do not understand this. Everyone says "Oh my god you'll look great in a maxi-dress, you're so tall."
No I won't.
I will look 6 months pregnant and it'll be awkward for everyone when people ask me when my baby's due. Honestly, I've tried and I've tried, I've been taken in by everyone raving about them and I try one in in the vague hope that my body shape will have miraculously changed in the intervening year, but nope. Still pregnant. This body of mine needs structure, it does not need to be enveloped in a shapeless, billowing mass of fabric.
And so I sit and wait. And try to think about buying things. And then wait for the pain in my head to subside.