Friday, 10 May 2013

A post about how I might end up naked on holiday - BEDM Day 10

As I mentioned in my Not Really Resolutions Q1 Round-up I am going on holiday. This is so very exciting in the following ways;

a) I get to see American Girl and Boy for the first time in 3 years.
b) I get to see sun
c) I get to go on holiday

I have not been on a summer holiday in a long time. The last time was when I was 18 after I'd just finished my A-levels and I went away with family. I've never done the girly holiday thing and although there have been a couple of trips to France/Prague in the intervening years these haven't been proper sitting by the pool burning yourself to a crisp type holidays.

I'm not going to lie to you - I'm not going for culture. I'm not going for architecture. I'm going for the motherfreaking sun and to lie and read and go in the sea/pool. That. is. it. Judge away my friends - I can't hear you over the sound of my total relaxation.

I have already started having the anxiety dreams which are par for the course for me when going away anywhere. 

I've had one where American Girl and I were at a weird party in an old men's club during which she decided that she wasn't going to come on holiday with me and was going to stay instead and drink cups of tea and eat biscuits with her new friends. Hateful woman.

And I had one of those really frustrating dreams where you're trying to get somewhere and can't - know the type I mean? This one featured me and The Person trying to get to the airport to catch the plane to Corfu and a myriad of things kept getting in our way whilst all the while the clock ticked down until check-in closed. I woke up in a cold sweat after that one.

I am yet to have the dream where I end up naked but I'm pretty sure it's coming.

In fact, it's probably going to be a reality.

You see, when you haven't been on a summer holiday in 12 years it turns out that you have absolutely no idea what the hell you're supposed to put in your suitcase and more to the point, nothing in your wardrobe that you would be able to put in a suitcase for a summer holiday.

We're only going away for a week so it should be simple but when I start to list the things I need in my head it goes something like this:
- Swimming costume (no bikini for me thank you very much. The skin on my llimbs is white enough without exposing acres of stomach to the world)
- Towel
- Shorts
- Cover up for beach (although the word "cover-up" remains vague in my head - is it a t-shirt? Is it a kaftan? What do the cool kids wear nowadays?)
- *head explodes*

I just don't know what else I'm supposed to pack. This is mainly because I'm refusing to come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to wear jeans because it will be too hot. When I say I live in my jeans I mean I live in my jeans. I don't do skirts/dresses outside of work and I don't own a pair of ever so fashionable capris. In fact, I don't even know if capris are still ever so fashionable. I know that I will have to just suck it up and buy something but my brain needs a bit more time to come to terms with that god-awful truth.

And people are obsessed with maxi-dresses. Still. I do not understand this. Everyone says "Oh my god you'll look great in a maxi-dress, you're so tall."


No I won't. 

I will look 6 months pregnant and it'll be awkward for everyone when people ask me when my baby's due. Honestly, I've tried and I've tried, I've been taken in by everyone raving about them and I try one in in the vague hope that my body shape will have miraculously changed in the intervening year, but nope. Still pregnant. This body of mine needs structure, it does not need to be enveloped in a shapeless, billowing mass of fabric.

And so I sit and wait. And try to think about buying things. And then wait for the pain in my head to subside.


  1. Swimming costume, shorts and vest tops/tshirts should do you for the daytime, especially if you're going to spend most of it by the pool!

    Have a look at H&M - I have a couple of jersey summer dresses from there that are ideal for holidays. Chuck a cardi in your case to go over them in the evenings et voila!

  2. Maxi dresses! Seriously, wtf? I really thought that trend would've disappeared a long time ago. But it's just hanging around like a bad smell. Maybe your cover up could be some denim hot pants/shorts/cutoffs? To still get your denim fix. Hmm probably still too hot. Alex has given you much better advice. I have to pack ginger-skin clothes and supplies which most people don't have to worry about.


    p.s. I want to be all nonchalant in my comments but on this occasion, I can't not say it; you really made me laugh and I think each of your posts is great. Now, let us move on.

  3. If you really don't want to run the risk of ending up naked, you need to cross-pack with The Person. This means putting half your stuff in each other's case.
    May sound strange and unnecessary, but believe me you'll be grateful if one of your cases goes missing.
    Yes I speak from bitter experience - 8 days in Kos with no clothes and no toileteries!!! My best friend leant me some of her clothes, but with me being a size 10 and her an 18 I was sporting the baggy look to put it mildly.
    It was the middle of October so we had travelled overnight in jeans and boots. The local shops only had a couple of horrendous bikinis left and only had espadrilles left in size 4 or 7 - I am a 5, so had to wear the 4s which were so tight.
    Either cross-pack or at least take a couple of changes of underwear and t-shirts and shorts in your hand luggage.

  4. Just have to say I'm really enjoying this BEDM thing. That's all. Have a great weekend!

  5. Totally agree with Alex about H&M for jersey dresses. I had a £3.99 one for a few years until I unrolled* it in Ibiza last year to find a squashed spider! There was nothing else I could do but chuck it in the bin :(

    *You know the deal with rolling stuff rather than folding don't you? Takes up less space and apparently less likely to crease (though you have to roll carefully I think).

  6. Ok, I know this is a bit out there, a touch harsh even, but.... rather than worrying about what other people will think/say, just pull out whatever is comfy and go for it. A La my tweet last week, most people- probably won't even notice. Also, there's always one East End Matriarch around the pool who will have enough prison-done tattoos to distract everyone.....

    1. It's from a practical level that I don't know what to take - maybe haven't explained it well. I know that most things I have in my wardrobe aren't holiday appropriate because it'll be too hot for jeans.

      It's not about the other people!


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